This is simply not working.
I always knew I was self-conscious but never thought to that extent.
What am I missing? where is that missing piece of the puzzle? where is it going?
Everyday I have a new thing to celebrate. Everyday seems to have its whole bunch of great news. Yet, it doesn't seem enough, and THAT'S driving me crazy.
I seem to be obsessed with one thing and one thing only. No one seems to get that, simply because I, myself don't.
It's haunting my thoughts. And it's so trivial. Yet, I seem to be enjoying this pain.
For the first time, I'm not creating the show, I'm only a spectator, a very trivial spectator. The producer is teasing me with his own creative genius, with his own mind games. In a way, I just love it. In a way, I can't stand it. In a way, I admire that mind, in another way I just don't get it.
I always enjoyed theatre, and I know the show must go on. Just couldn't believe my follower will follow my footsteps even in show-biz.
I am actually enjoying this pain. I'm actually experiencing the power of "not knowing what's behind curtain number 2".
Only time will tell if what I have is a far more superior mentality, or a far more inferior one. And there are no other options.